Thursday, July 24, 2003

So far everything is progressing nicely; I'm sprinting headfirst into my second trimester, feeling a whole lot less nauseous, but still tired in the evenings. My messy house makes me depressed, but the upside is I go to bed fairly early to avoid having to a) look at the dishes and chewed-up dog toys and b) mentally beat myself up for lack of housecleaning ambition. I find that blaming my husband for most of the mess works nicely as well.

Joe has developed a voracious hunger for smothering me with affection at all hours of the day and night. Through zen-like meditation, I've managed to succumb to the constant caressing, squeezing and barrages of nibbles and pressing-of-sharp whisker-stubble to my face. I quietly berate myself the whole time for feeling this way. I smile and smooch him back, confident in his love for me and my ever-expanding body, newly adorned with a couple fresh zits.

I took Abe (who celebrated his one-year birthday on Monday with a full day alone, out of his crate - he had to go back in yesterday due to an unfortunate pillow-tearing incident) and my daughter to the park yesterday, in a rare show of early-evening stamina.

Three older girls showed up at the playground, and my daughter was immediately enamoured. She followed them around with a look of pure earnesty on her face that made my heart hurt. She soon was lumped in the same category as one of the girls' little brother, and the two of them followed the older girls around together. Her answers to their questions made me cringe with love and a nearly-overwhelming urge to whisk her away from them. When asked what they wanted to do, she answered "play ring-around-the-rosies." What a totally 4-year-old answer. When the conversation turned to recent movies, she first volunteered that she had indeed seen the Hulk (she hadn't), and when pressed further, hid her face behind a post and admitted that her mom wouldn't let her see those kind of movies. But, she did have the Spiderman movie at home (a true statement - she didn't say that she hadn't seen it). I watched and listened from a distance, secretly dying for her leave, but it was obvious she was fascinated and would have followed those girls to the ends of the earth. I couldn't even lure her away with the promise of ice cream. Eventually threatening rain clouds forced us to leave.

My love for this beautiful, loving child is unfathomable. I HATE that she will be forced to feel bad about herself at some point in the near future (kindergarten is a painful 34 days away) because of silly, made-up childhood (specifically girlhood) rules & regulations. It makes me want to grip her tightly in my embrace and hold her at this innocent, completely blissful crossroads of her life in some fairytale-esque state of suspended animation forever.


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